Tag Archive | Problem Teens

Teen Help Programs: The Internet Search

You have finally reached your wit’s end with your teenager.

You have exhausted all your local resources, your nerves are fried, you have removed all their privileges and nothing is making a difference – you are literally a hostage to your own child!

What now?

It is time for outside help… but you get online and realize first the sticker shock…. (price of programs and schools) then you see all these horror stories – EXACTLY WHO SHOULD YOU BELIEVE?

Your gut!

Years ago I was in your exact spot – and I didn’t listen my gut, and the results were not good, however it had a purpose.  The reason was to be a part of helping parents not make the mistakes I did.

When you get online you will see many toll free numbers going to places unknown.  Usually sales reps that will more than happily give you a list of programs that they believe will be perfect for your child – but how do they know?

Point is – you don’t want a sales rep – you don’t want a marketing arm, you want an owner, a director or someone that will be vested in your child’s recovery and healing process.  Someone that will be held accountable – their reputation will be reflected upon your child’s success.

I created an organization that helps educate parents to better understand the big business of residential therapy.  There are questions parents need to ask, that many don’t think about while they are desperate for help such as when will they be able to speak with their child or visit their child.

I encourage you to visit www.helpyourteens.com and find out more about residential therapy – especially if you are considering the next step.  Don’t wait for a crisis to happen.  Be prepared.

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Born Not Raised; Voices from Juvenile Hall

ImageAs I speak to parents on a weekly basis, I often hear how maybe if their teen spent some time behind bars they would appreciate what they have, or if they struggled through a rough primitive program, Wilderness program, militant style, boot camp or that type of model, they could scare their teen straight…. I explain to them if they thought about another approach – finding a a program that can actually determine where this negative behavior is stemming from?  From there work through it and start building to make it into a positive road to a bright future.

This recently released book almost seems to mirror what I have been thinking, though unfortunately, on a more extreme scale, these kids are incarcerated at a young age without a family that seems to truly care or without the means to get them outside help.

New Book Born, Not Raised: Voices From Juvenile Hall, Indicts Juvenile Justice System, Poor Parenting and Education Failures

San Diego Author Susan Madden Lankford, who explored homelessness and female incarceration in her two previous award-winning books, examines the plight of youngsters serving time in juvenile hall in her latest book BORN, NOT RAISED: Voices From Juvenile Hall  (Humane Exposures Publishing).

For two years, Susan Lankford and her daughter Polly Smith interviewed more than 120 incarcerated teenagers, eight of them weekly. In this book she features their voices, views, writing and drawings—along with interviews with pediatric psychiatrists, neurobiologists, judges, probation officers and other professionals.  In researching her previous book on women in jail, Lankford learned that a majority of them had at least two children in foster care, living with relatives or in detention. Because of the lack of basic parenting skills needed to produce productive individuals, many of their kids end up in jail, too.

“In studying these teens for BORN, NOT RAISED, I learned the major factors that added to or reduced the likelihood of their incarceration and recidivism,” Lankford explains. “One of the main things which I stress in the book is that there is a critical need for a family with a good-enough, consistent, loving and nurturing figure who helps children through the developmental stages to produce a curious, empathic and responsible youth, capable of resilience, adjustment, impulse control and good social skills.

“In this book I indict today’s educational system for its failure to respond to the needs of the global market and technology, as well as to the critical needs of students. I detail terrific programs which have discovered how to motivate kids who can’t meet classroom demands.

 “A third major point is that we need to start teaching parenting early. Fourteen-year-olds in juvenile detention often have kids but have no idea how to parent properly.  We also need to teach the reasons and means to avoid drugs, gangs and violence.”

Lankford believes that BORN, NOT RAISED contains information useful for university curricula, social work, psychology, criminal justice/corrections, medical school, law school, parents and parents-to-be.

In researching this book, Polly and I became convinced that early education and youth development are the most effective strategies for breaking the cycle of at-risk behavior and helping youth from difficult backgrounds to learn the skills that will enable them to thrive,” Lankford concludes.

Order today on Amazon.

Watch a preview on YouTube.

Defiant Teens – Disrespectful Teens: What is Going On?

What happened to today’s society of kids?

When we grew up and our parents told us to be home by 10pm we never questioned them, we were home by 10:00, if not 10 minutes earlier.  We never dared back talked (well, if we did, we learned real fast it was usually the last time we did it).

It seems teenagers today have a sense of entitlement issue.  They have no sense of respect for their parents.  Sometimes we can be fortunate that they do respect their teachers and our neighbors.  However when they come home, they can become a person we don’t recognize.

Again, what happened?

Is it today’s society?  It is peer pressure?  It is the desire to give our kids more than we had? Is it technology?

Honestly, it is a million dollar question that really doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day, some are struggling with a teen that is going down a negative path.  We have once good teens making some very bad choices.  If it escalates to a point that you are actually reading my Blogs – and now seeking outside help – it usually means you have reached your wits end.

Believe it or not, now is the time not to make rash decisions.  Once you have exhausted all you local resources, such as local therapy, your relatives and other programs in your area, you may be ready for residential therapy.  However this is where it gets tricky.

You get online and you type in all sorts of buzz words you before you know it – you are bombarded with all sorts of toll free numbers with promises of help and understanding…. really?  Back up… Realize that the teen help industry is a big business – yes, you may need help, and you may need a school or program, but your teen is not for sale – and you are not going to be scammed. How do I know this?  I was scammed over a decade ago – I learned the hard way.  I had that teen that was a good teen, before she started making those bad decisions – and then I made a rash decision.

Learn from my mistakes – gain from my knowledge…. Visit – www.helpyourteens.com – and read our story at www.aparentstruestory.com.

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Is your teenager the problem?

Hmmm, well, this is a bold and common statement I hear quite frequently so when a new friend/colleague mentioned she has a book coming out this spring with this title, I was intrigued.  After all, as a parent that struggled with a teen that was less than perfect, and liked to convince me that “I” was the problem, this book just may go flying off the shelves.

My Teenager Is The Problem” is written by Ronae Jull, the Hope Coach.

A bit about this new book…..

Do you struggle with that one family member who constantly challenges your serenity, twists your stomach into knots and keeps you up at night, questioning your sanity? If that family member is your teenager, you’re not alone.

Teenagers can cause feelings of anger, incompetence, and helplessness in even the most confident parents. Regardless of how successful your professional life, your home keeping skills, or your other relationships,parenting a teen can challenge your resolve to remain calm and mindful when dealing with him or her.

Maybe you’ve come to feel that you shouldn’t have become a parent, you can’t do anything right, and that your teen may not make it to his or her adult years in one piece.

You don’t have to feel this way.

Order My Teenager IS the Problem! today and recapture peace and sanity for you and your family. The book — authored by The HOPE Coach, Ronae Jull — provides specific step-by-step strategies, guaranteed to save your teen and renew your peace-of-mind.

Read just a few of the proven solutions offered in this amazing book below:

Creating and enforcing boundaries

  • Dealing with bad attitudes
  • Substance abuse
  • Dealing with and stopping rage
  • Helping your depressed teen
  • Coping with bullying behavior
  • Helping your mentally ill teen
  • …and much more…

For more information on Ronae Jull and her services, visit her website at www.RonaeJull.com.  You can follow Ronae Jull on Twitter and join her on Facebook!

As a Parent Advocate and Author of a parenting book on residential therapy, Parent Coaching can be an avenue a family can use prior taking the step into residential therapy.

Wilderness Programs: Are They for Your Teen?

What is a “Wilderness Program?”  If you are a parent that is struggling with a teenager that is out-of-control, you will surf the Internet and attempt to find help.  Many parents first think of boot camps as a resolution – a way to teach our teen a lesson.  Then you realize that maybe that is not the best avenue and you are somehow directed to wilderness programs.  Not always, but especially if you have hired an Educational Consultant, their first recommendation is commonly Wilderness programs.

There are many very good Wilderness Programs in our country, however the question remains, are they necessary or should you go directly to where most teens eventually end up:  Residential Therapy program.

Wilderness programs are mainly designed to break a teen down.  Although they are not punitive, in comparison to a boot camp, they are primitive, forcing your teen to appreciate the luxuries he had at home.

However, a residential therapy program can do the same thing, since many are not designed by Hilton (TM).  Have you also thought about this:  Your teen is already broken down, why do we need to continue to break him/her down?

Let’s look at the pro’s and cons. 

  • Wilderness programs can cost you up to $500.00 a day. Yes, a day.  Some start as little as $250.00 a day (Yes, as little as).  Now multiply that by 30 days or actually 6 weeks, since the average stay in Wilderness is 6-9 weeks.  At the low end: A month in the mountains will cost you $7500.00.  That is questionable to many, as well as out of the financial means of many more.
  • Wilderness program rarely have academics.  Fact is your teen is probably not focused on academics and could care less about them.  Working on their emotional stability is the goal here, however it shouldn’t be an excuse to delay education.  Although your child may not care about their education, you do.
  • Wilderness programs are short term.  Short term program, short term results and a lot of money.  In most cases they go on to residential programs which will run you about another $5000.00 a month and up for another 10-12 months.  Wouldn’t it make sense to start and finish at the same place with the same therapist and the consistency of recovery?
  • Wilderness programs are sadly where we hear of the most deaths or accidents in teen help programs.  It is true, accidents can happen in any program, however when listening to speakers in congress while attempting to pass a bill to stop abuse in residential programs, it seemed the parents that lost a child in a program were mainly in Wilderness programs.

Some positives:

  • If your teen has not escalated to a point of serious concern, and is just starting to make some poor choices, maybe a 6-9 week wake-up call is all that is needed.  As long as you can afford it, and remember, if they decide he/she needs more than the 6-9 weeks, you need to be prepared to go the next step.
  • The teen is removed from their home environment.  They are put in a place of isolation and maybe this is just what they need to reflect on their current negative behavior.
  • There are some excellent Wilderness programs with very good and caring staff in our country.  Many teens that had a wilderness experience really feel it was very good.  Many parents also believe that the Wilderness program helped their child get ready for the next step, residential therapy.
  • Wilderness programs offer a great opportunity for your teen to live outdoors and experience outdoor therapy.  With some teens this is very beneficial.

This is a personal decision, and although I am not an advocate of Wilderness programs I can appreciate and respect parents that believe they need this extra step and it has worked for them.  It is my philosohy that starting and finishing at the program is part of the consistency of healing.  Having to switch programs and therapists (especially) and starting over, can feel like you have fallen back to ground zero. However, each family is different with different needs, so this is an individual decision.

Is Wilderness right for your teen?  Only you can answer that.

Visit www.HelpYourTeens.com.

Struggling Teens, Defiant Teens, Problem Teens, Teen Help: Back To School Diasters

  • Defiance
  • Drugs
  • Drinking
  • Disrepect
  • Addiction
  • Good Kids, Bad Choices
  • Sneaking out (Runaways)
  • Failing (High School dropouts)
  • Highly intelligent yet underachieving
  • Entitlement issues
  • Peer Pressure
  • PARENTING

Obviously this list could go on and on as more and more teenagers are engaging in harmful or dangerous activities.

What happened to respecting authority?  What happened to respecting your parents?  What happened to graduating high school?

For those parents that are not dealing with a teen with any of the above issues, congratulations and please share your success in our comments section below.  For others, read on.

Is your teen reaching a level that he/she are out-of-control? Going down a negative path with only a few years left of high school? Do you fear for their future if they continue down this road?

Typical teenage behavior, which much of it can be, however what happens when this typical behavior lands them in juvie? Or in the hospital with an overdose?

Most have tried therapists. Most have even tried out-patient programs. Some have tried sending their teen to a relatives to live. What happens when these attempts fail?

For many, it is time for residential therapy. Now you really need to be engaged, do your homework and be extremely cautious. The world of teen-help is a big business and they are waiting for parents that are at their wit’s end to call!

There are many good programs in our country. The most important decision you will make is choosing the right one for your child. Don’t rely on marketing arms, toll-free numbers, and spams of email promises. Do your due diligence and work through this process in the best interest of your family.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com for helpful hints and tips for finding what is best for your family. Remember, if you are on the East Coast (Florida or other states), just because the Internet seems to continue to point you to the West Coast, there are programs on the East Coast that are extremely high quality – and some of the best. Although you don’t want the school/program in your backyard, you also don’t want to be so far away that visiting them would be difficult.

For more detailed information pick up Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen – it could save your teenager today! By visiting Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (PURE) you can receive a free chapter here. World renown Parenting Expert and TODAY Show Contributor, Dr. Michele Borba, wrote recently about PURE and Wit’s End, click here.

Remember, be a parent first – friendship will come in time. This is not about shipping your teen off, it is about giving them a second opportunity at a bright future!

Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (PURE) is a Member of the Better Business Bureau.

For over a decade, PURE has helped thousands of families!

Sue Scheff: School Violence

natlyouthviolenceSchool violence  hit Coral Gables, Florida this week in a horrific incident.  A 17 year old student was stabbed to death in school. A young life tragically cut short.

What can we learn from this? Being a parent today is more challenging than generations prior. As parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba stated on the Today Show, “June Cleaver didn’t have to worry about social networking, online safety, sexting or texting, Internet predators and so much more.” Which means parenting today has become more complex, however the good news is, the vast amount of resources has increased since the Cleaver’s were introduced to us.

Parents need to take the time to be educated and learn about some warning signs that their teen may be struggling. Keeping the lines of communication open with teens today can be very difficult; however we can never stop trying.

Here are some behaviors that parents need to be aware of:

• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Not sharing as much as they used to?
• Is their peer group changing? Do you know their friends? Showing an interest in gangs?
• Are they spending a lot of time alone?
• Change in appetite?
• Signs of depression?
• Need for attention or low self-esteem?
• Accessibility to weapons?
• Is there violence in the home?
• Risky behavior? Using or experimenting with drugs?
• Is your teen stressed?
• Are they spending a lot of time online? Do you know what sites they are visiting?

Take the time to be an educated parent . This means you a prepared parent and can lead to safer teens. If your teen is not opening up to you, don’t hestitate to seek outside help with counselors.  Communication is key!  Visit these websites below and learn more about school violence today.

For more info: Parents Universal Resource Experts, APA Help Center, National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, Teen Criminal Activity, Big Book of Parenting Solutions,Miami Herald, Teen Health.

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