One of today’s largest challenges for parents keeping up with their kids technology.  Whether you have  teen that is wandering through areas of the web they shouldn’t be, or kids that are landing in chatrooms that are extremely risky, as a parent you need to be ten steps ahead of them.

Here are some great articles, tips, resources and more to help you be informed about parenting in the digital age.

Chatroom Safety Tips

Cyber Safety Awareness

Social Web Tips for Teens

Social Web Tips for Parents

Cell Phone Safety Tips

Teen Internet Addiction

Internet Predators

Maintaining Your Online Image

Yoursphere Safety

Mothers Against Predators

Internet Safety and Guidance Counselors

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Parenting teens today has become one of the most challenging jobs with a new generation of technology, peer pressure, substance abuse, and much more.

As a Parent Advocate, I continuously help parents with today’s teen issues.  Many call my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, at their wits end. 

Here are some article that I encourage parents of teens and tweens to take the time to read.  An educated parent is a prepared parent.  A prepared parent can lead to a safer teenager.

School Violence: The dangers of bullying

Teens Shoplifting and Stealing

Teen Dating Abuse

Teen Inhalant Abuse

Teen Suicide

Parenting teen girls

Teen Vandalism

Teen Truancy

Teen Pregnancy

Teen Depression

Teen Runaways

Teen Drug Prevention

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Many parents will encourage their teenager to get a job over the holiday season. Whether it is for extra spending more or keeping busy in a constructive way, this can be a great opportunity to learn responsibility.

There are different options to consider. There is paying jobs and there is volunteering. Both can be fulfilling and teach your teen about accountability.

Here are some ideas to consider and encourage your teen to become involved.

Christmas tree stands: Shortly we will see fresh Christmas trees in many areas for sale. Even in South Florida, we have fresh tree centers on many street corners. Many will hire teens to help customers and if your teenager has a truck or vehicle that can transport trees (as well as a drivers license), this is  a great way to make extra money with tips.

Wrapping Gifts: In many malls you will see tables with people wrapping gifts for busy shoppers. This is a great job for teens also. Check with your local mall for about these tables and who is sponsoring them. Sometimes it is volunteer work, however a great way to put a smile on people’s faces, and feel good about yourself.

Feed the Homeless: This is a job that the entire family can participate in. Take the time to get involved with a local church or contact the Salvation Army or Good Will to find out where you can help. There is nothing more rewarding than giving to others.

Toys for Tots: Find your local organization and be part of putting a smile of many unfortunate children. Whether you can pick up toys at different locations or help with sorting, get involved. Again, the rewards are priceless.

Retail Work: If your teen is of age in your state, in Florida usually 15 or 16 years old is the legal age to be employed, you may want to consider working in a retail store for holiday help. There are many benefits to learning how to work with the public. It is not an easy job; however you will learn tolerance and will also make you a better shopper being able to relate to customers. Not to mention the extra spending money you can make.

The list could go on and I believe that encouraging your teen to be involved in some way whether it is volunteering or having a paying job, can help them learn accountability as well as build their self confidence.

Learn more:  Salvation Army, Good Will, Toys for Tots, Volunteer Spot, Christmas Tree Stands, About.com Holiday Job Ideas, Volunteer Match

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With the recent gang rape of a 15 year-old girl in Richmond, California, our country is awakening to one of the ugliest forms of abuse to teens. Sexual abuse, assault and rape of teens are horrendous and more attention needs to be brought on this subject.

Teen dating violence and abuse is an issue parents need to be aware of and learn more about. Love is Not Abuse is an organization that was founded in 1991 by Liz Claiborne Inc. Everyone needs to take the time to be an educated parent; you will have a safer teen.

Love is Not Abuse posted an informational letter from an expert on Teen Dating Abuse. Please learn more now and explore their website for more resources.

A Letter to Parents on Teen Dating Abuse from Pediatrician and Expert, Dr. Elizabeth Miller

Dear Parents/Guardians/Educators,

As a physician who specializes in care for adolescents, a researcher on teen dating abuse, and a parent of a teen, I am often asked by other parents to talk about the warning signs of dating abuse, what parents should be looking for, and how they can help their child navigate out of an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to these questions.

A Common Characteristic

A common characteristic of unhealthy and abusive relationships is the control that the abusive partner seeks to maintain in the relationship. This includes telling someone what to wear, where they can go, who they can hang out with, calling them names, humiliating them in front of others. Over time, the isolation from one’s social network increases, as the abuser insists on spending time “just the two of us,” and threatens to leave or cause harm if things do not go the way they want, “You must not love me.”

Creating this isolation and dissolution of one’s social supports (loss of friends, disconnectedness from family) are hallmarks of controlling behaviors. In addition, abusers often monitor cell phones and emails, and for example, may threaten harm if the response to a text message is not instant.

Parents are rarely aware of such controlling tactics as these occur insidiously over time, and an adolescent may themselves not recognize the controlling, possessive behaviors as unhealthy. “They must love me because they just want to spend time with me.”

Warning Signs

While the following non-specific warning signs could indicate other concerning things such as depression or drug use, these should also raise a red flag for parents and adult caregivers about the possibility of an unhealthy relationship:

•no longer hanging out with his/her circle of friends
•wearing the same clothing
•distracted when spoken to
•constantly checking cell phone, gets extremely upset
when asked to turn phone off
•withdrawn, quieter than usual
•angry, irritable when asked how they are doing
•making excuses for their boyfriend/girlfriend
•showering immediately after getting home
•unexplained scratches or bruises

Sexual coercion and violence are also not uncommon in teen dating abuse. Again, because of the emotional abuse and control, victims of sexual violence may be convinced that they are to blame for what has happened. “You’d do this if you loved me” or “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll leave you” are common examples of sexual coercion. In some instances, girls in abusive relationships describe how their partners actively tried to get them pregnant. Rarely do teens disclose such sexual abuse to their parents as they may feel shameful, guilty, and scared. Parents need to be aware of the possibility of sexual abuse, and to ensure that they communicate with their child that they are never to blame if someone tries to make them do things sexually that they don’t want to do. And certainly, that no one ever has the right to put their hands on them, period. The physical and sexual violence can escalate quickly in these unhealthy relationships where the abusive partner has significant control over the other.

Advice for Parents

Perhaps the best advice for parents is to start talking about what constitutes a healthy, respectful relationship early on with your child. Sharing the warning signs of teen dating abuse with your child and saying, “If you know someone who’s experiencing something like this, let’s talk about it, let’s talk about how you can be a good friend and help them stay safe.” Please assure your child that they are not to blame for an unhealthy relationship, and that you are available to help them be safe and happy. Please avail yourself of the many good resources available on teen dating abuse for youth and adults.

For more information on teen dating violence and abuse: Stop It Now, MADE Coalition, Love is Respect, S.A.A.R.A., Rachel Simmons (Huffington Post).

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I believe we all want to see our teens succeed.  Here are some fantastic insight and advice from Education.com

Source: Education.com

7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens

For teens, life is not a playground, it’s a jungle. And, being the parent of a teenager isn’t any walk in the park, either. In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, author Sean Covey attempts to provide “a compass to help teens and their parents navigate the problems they encounter daily.”

How will they deal with peer pressure? Motivation? Success or lack thereof? The life of a teenager is full of tough issues and life-changing decisions. As a parent, you are responsible to help them learn the principles and ethics that will help them to reach their goals and live a successful life.

While it’s all well and good to tell kids how to live their lives, “teens watch what you do more than they listen to what you say,” Covey says. So practice what you preach. Your example can be very influential.

Covey himself has done well by following a parent’s example. His dad, Stephen Covey, wrote the book The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, which sold over 15 million copies. Sean’s a chip off the old block, and no slacker. His own book has rung in a more than respectable 2 million copies sold. Here are his seven habits, and some ideas for helping your teen understand and apply them:

Be Proactive

Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. Help your teen take control and responsibility for her life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don’t blame others for their own actions or feelings.

Begin With the End in Mind

If teens aren’t clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. Help your teen create a personal mission statement which will act as a road map and direct and guide his decision-making process.

Put First Things First

This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It’s living life according to what matters most.

Think Win-Win

Teens can learn to foster the belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. Your teen will learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them.

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Because most people don’t listen very well, one of the great frustrations in life is that many don’t feel understood. This habit will ensure your teen learns the most important communication skill there is: active listening.

Synergize

Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn’t have to be “your way” or “my way” but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others.

Sharpen the Saw

Teens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When a teen “sharpens the saw” she is keeping her personal self sharp so that she can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life – body, brain, heart, and soul.

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The days of a three letter varsity athlete may be fading away. Today more high school kids than ever are trying to excel at a single sport. They practice all year long in hopes of playing first string in high school or college or even the pros. But is that such a good idea?

Webb Worthington, 18, has a room filled with trophies and medals from many different sports. “Soccer, basketball, football, baseball … diving, and a little bit of swimming,” he says.

But it seems a diverse trophy collection like his is becoming rare. More and more young athletes are feeling the pressure to specialize in one sport year round.

“Sometimes the parents’ wants are what gets intermingled in there. So parents will want their kid to be a star in a given area versus just let them play,” says George Williams, psychologist.

But being a star can be short-lived. Only one percent of high school athletes get a college scholarship, and a tiny fraction of those go pro.

Experts also worry that if kids specialize in a single sport when they’re young, it can become their whole identity- to the exclusion of other things. “[They will] only consider that sport. Forget about school, forget about other extra-curricular activities,” explains college track coach, Andria King.

Forget about art, music, student government, the chess club and the honor roll. That’s the danger, she says, when kids are obsessed by a single sport.

Instead, experts say, parents should help their kids see the value of being well-rounded. “They have a wide range of interests, and they’re not too narrowly focused that they miss out on huge things that occur in life,” explains Williams, “and that happens by exposure.”

Webb plays several sports but has only one goal. “Perform to the best of my ability,” he says, “same with diving, baseball, same in school, I mean anything I do. But not to the point where I want to give up everything else in my life.”

It seems kids with a single-sport focus are replacing the three-sport athletes of yesteryear. Some might say the conventional wisdom of exposing youth to many facets of recreation is an archaic mentality. Although statistics have not been tracked, many grade-school coaches lament the growing phenomenon of pressuring kids to specialize in one sport.

One high school coach, Dick Myers says, “AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) coaches have pushed out guidance counselors and high school coaches as they try to barter deals with colleges.” Much of the pressure comes from the coaches, who are often specializing themselves. Bob Landers, a 30-year veteran of high-school athletics says, “As coaches started doing just one sport, they lost perspective and wanted to have their players working on their sport all the time.”

Consider the following:

• Amateur Athletic Union (AAU) coaches with connections to shoe companies scout fifth- and sixth-graders playing recreation league basketball.
• Some private schools scout recreation centers and use sneakers and scholarship promises to entice the best players.
• Some coaches feel superstar players will enhance one’s reputation once (and if) they obtain a scholarship to a prestigious, sports-oriented college.

Tips for Parents

Psychiatrists have given a name to the condition where a person obsesses over a child’s achievement: the “Achievement by Proxy” or “Munchausen by proxy” syndrome. Traditionally, MBPS occured when a caretaker would convince another person that he/she (the other person) was ill. The caretaker reveled in the attention coming from doctors, nurses and others. Basically, MBPS uses someone else as the attention-getting object, the proxy. MBPS has found its way into sports, however. In relation to sports, MBPS takes place when the parent or coach revels in the player’s attention from fans, teammates, scouts, etc., and in the won games, trophies and awards the player achieves. In addition:

• Some say MBPS is a cry for help from parents who may be experiencing anxiety or depression or have feelings of inadequacy as parents of young children.
• These individuals are looking for confirmation of their parenting skills, or in the case of a coach, coaching skills.
• Abuse of exceptional and high-achieving children as part of parental achievement by proxy can be seen in such varied areas as sport, examination achievement, musical virtuosity, film performance and beauty contests.

For most, dreams of million-dollar contracts and Olympic gold medals will never materialize. However, if a child discovers on his or her own some extraordinary skill in one sport and then decides to dedicate himself or herself to reaching an elite level, that’s okay, as long as it’s his/her decision. And always remember, that regardless of the level of excellence, participation in sports – one, two, even three at a time – will nurture skills, foster friendships, provide lifetime lessons and create indelible memories.

Team sports provide physical benefits, like improved fitness, coordination, weight control and a reduced risk of health problems. Among the life skills a child can gain are: accepting feedback, commitment, discipline, fairness, following directions, interacting with others, respect, responsibility and taking turns. Keep in mind:

• Children often follow a parent’s or coach’s dream, not their own.
• Eighty percent of parents said they saw injuries to their children as “part of the game.”
• Some children might consider themselves an underachiever if they don’t make the city All-Star or “traveling” team and are “only” good enough to make a school squad.
• Some young players refuse to participate on their high school teams because they feel club teams are more competitive and club coaches have better contacts with college recruiters.
• Young players may never discover talent in another sport after devotion to one sport at an early age.

As a parent of a youth athlete, you should:

• Always be positive and encouraging.
• Emphasize effort and improvement over winning or personal performance.
• Attend events and practices as your schedule allows.
• Model good sportsmanship.
• Above all, keep your child’s sport in perspective.

References

• The British Journal of Psychiatry
• KidsHealth
• Mayo Clinic
• One Hand Clapping
• USA Today

As we are now approaching the holidays, many people will be in malls or shopping plazas. It is time to review some tips to insure you and your family’s safety.

Be sure to go over these with teenagers and caregivers.
•When parking your vehicle to go shopping, remember where you parked it! Write it down if you have to. This can save you time and frustration after a long day of shopping.

•Always park in a well lit and well traveled area.
 

•Have your keys in your hand when approaching your vehicle.
 

•Before entering your vehicle, scan the interior of your car to be sure no one is hiding inside. Check to see if you are being followed. Always be alert.
 

•When storing items purchased at stores, place them out of sight in a locked trunk.
 

•Do not leave your purse, wallet, or cellular telephone in view; always LOCK VEHICLE, while driving or leaving your vehicle parked, even when in your own driveway.
 

•Don’t resist if someone tries to take any of your belongings. Don’t chase someone who robs you, they may have a weapon. Instead, call 911. If your cell phone is stolen with your belongings look around for an emergency phone or find someone immediately to call 911.
•If you go to an ATM for cash, check for people around and make sure it is well lit and in a safe location. Also be sure you complete your transaction and retrieve your ATM card.
•Carry only the credit cards you need and avoid carrying large amounts of cash.

Do you have more safety tips? Please feel free to share them in comments. Being prepared can help us to all have a safer holiday season.
 

As Halloween approaches next week, be sure to review my Halloween Safety Tips.

For more information visit Road and Travel Magazine.

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We watch personal makeovers on television frequently. There is a housewife that has spent all her time and energy raising her children and has let her appearance go. Or someone that had a bad hair experience and need a makeover (or correction). There are grandmothers that have devoted their lives to raising their kids and their kid’s children and yet never took the time to have a simple manicure.

Yes, makeovers are astonishing to watch on television and on some cable channels we can now watch business makeovers as the reality show world grows. A once dying business can be completely regenerated with the expertise of someone with today’s visionary trends and update that failing company into a booming business.

This is also true virtually! If you don’t have a positive, energizing, engaging and inviting presence online, who will be calling you? Who will be using your services? Who will be dating you?

Have you taken the time to consider a virtual makeover? Are you out of job, applying to college or even looking for a soul mate? Today there is more to your physical appearance and your paper resume; it can be about what Search Engines are saying about you.

Recently CareerBuilder shared these numbers:

•11% of employers plan to start using social networking sites for employment screening.
•Of the 45% of employers who conduct online searches of job candidates, 29% use Facebook, 26% use LinkedIn, 21% use MySpace, 11% search blogs, and 7% use Twitter.
•18% of employers said they found content on social networking sites that encouraged them to hire the candidate, while 35% of employers found content that caused them not to hire the candidate.
 

Take the time to read my previous article on improving your Internet Image. Let it be your own keystrokes that tell the World Wide Web who you are.

Have you discovered you need an online makeover or even need a boost to your virtual image? Are you unsure about using the Internet? Not computer savvy? You may want to consider an online reputation service. Although there are many to choose from now, my experiences are with ReputationDefender who is one of the pioneers of these types of services. They offer different packages to meet your individual needs.

The last thing you want to do is ignore your online presence in today’s ever expanding Internet world.

 For more information: October is National Cyber Safety Awareness Month . I also recommend my recent book, Google Bomb which shares my story of Internet Defamation and how I almost lost my organization from a ruined online reputation.  My experiences can help you learn from my mistakes.

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Does your child, teen or do you venture into “Chat Rooms” online? Chat rooms are among the riskiest places on the Net for children and teens. Most Internet Predators are lingering waiting for their next victim in a variety of chat rooms. Don’t allow it to be your child.

As a Parent Advocate, I encourage all parents to take the steps to educate your children about cyber safety with a strong emphasis on chat room safety. October is National Cyber Safety Awareness Month, which is a reason for you to set aside time to sit with your kids and discuss what lurks online.

Here are some great Chat Room safety tips from Connect Safely to share with your family:

Remember that what you say in a chat room or instant messaging session is live — you can’t take it back or delete it later.

Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want the public to know — this includes your full name, your address, phone number of other personal information.

Don’t get together with someone you meet in a chat room. If you must, meet in a public place and bring along some friends.

Don’t reveal your actual location or when and where you plan to hang out.

Choose a nickname that’s not sexually suggestive and doesn’t give away your real name.

If someone says or does something creepy, block them and don’t respond.

Just sign out if the topic turns to sex. That can often lead somewhere you don’t want to go.

For more info: Connect Safely,iKeepSafe, ReputationDefender/MyChild, Google Bomb Book, Love Our Children USA, The Kristin Helms Internet Safety Foundation, Cati Cares.

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